Conversation after dinner.

B. I keep reading these magazine articles that give good advice to older gardeners.

G. Such as what?

B. Such as: make sure you put up sturdy rails along every garden path.

G. To ruin the aesthetics?

B. No. Silly. To prevent a fall.

G. But if I have to fall, the garden is where I’d like to do it.

B. That’s not the point. They’re thinking of our welfare. Like recommending all garden paths be made flat.

G. But what if you live on a hilly block?

B. You’re just being obstructive. These are well-intentioned people. Another thing they recommend is vertical gardens.

G. You mean when you string up old panty hose against a fence and fill the loops with potting mix?

B. It’s so we don’t have to bend.

G. Next they’ll tell us to go out and buy a bunch of railway sleepers….

B. …to construct raised beds. They do. What’s wrong with that?

G. Nothing hiring a team of labourers and two tonne truck wouldn’t fix. Here. Let me pass you this House and Garden. It’s full of really pretty pictures.

February 2018