Conversation over dinner

B. I know I shouldn’t say it but I sometimes feel like shooting that possum.

G. Or trapping him and taking him to a far-off park.

B. All our passionfruit. And now our grapefruit! It’s gardener versus wildlife out there.

G. Political correctness. That’s the problem. Save the possum. Save the wallaby. Save the lyrebird.

B. Remember Jane’s trick for dealing with brush turkeys?

G. That huge hose construction that sort of squirted them? Did it work?

B. Nothing ever actually works. Remember the guy who bashed his tree with an iron pole whenever the cockatoos landed? They just kept coming back.

G. And those fruit bats. They tried loud noises. Just encouraged them.

B. Yes. And scarecrows never work.

G. Trouble is, if you keep the wildlife out, you keep yourself out too. Remember the barbed wire cage we put over the raspberries? Couldn’t pick the raspberries.

B. Mmm. Next it’ll be save the cabbage moth.

G. Political correctness. That’s our problem.

December 2017