“I know. I know. We’ve had a bit of a self-sown bonanza lately. But waste not, want not. Eat up. It could be worse. It could be chokoes.”

May 2018

                                        The daggy travel-joke photo

April 2018

I swear this wretched vine grows a foot a minute. 30 years ago, when distracted by other matters, I planted a passionfruit grafted onto a vigorous root stock. Vigorous!!! 30 years later, the passionfruit is long gone but I spend my days slashing at the bluebells strangling everything in sight….in this case the bamboo.

April 2018

G. They say gardening is great for us oldies’ health.

B. Mmm. They didn’t rick their back pruning the olive tree.

G. It’s the gentle exercise, they say.

B. Would they classify you trying to stand up after kneeling down weeding as gentle exercise?

G. Very funny. I certainly felt fit after hammering in those tomato stakes last weekend.

B. I suppose we can be thankful your splinters didn’t go septic. Not like that gash on your leg last month. Does taking a trip to the GP count as exercise?

G. Ha ha again. Anyway, exercise is only part of it. They say just being outdoors in the fresh air is good for oldies’ health.

B. Oh, they’d be right there, wouldn’t they? Bitten by the mozzies and the March flies? Limping from that ankle sprained on a stump? Sunburnt? And what about that little cough of yours?

G. Come off it. That’s only in spring. And only when those fibres from the plane tree blow about.

B. Ah, the therapeutic outdoors.

April 2018

Tested at 120 kph in Girona, Spain, this garden did not blow off the top of the bus. Reassured, the inventors bent their minds to water. Will the garden get too heavy in rain? Can condensation from cabin air conditioning be used? Will constant movement cause leaks?

Their bus top idea is currently being pitched to local transport authorities as not only helping to absorb city noise, heat and pollution, but keeping passengers cool in the process. The mayor of Madrid seems to be convinced. Prototypes are on track to be tested on popular city bus routes 27 and 34 there.

April 2018

Answers to QQ 6

(a) false (b) false (c) true (d) true (e) false (f) false

Seems like only yesterday the milkman was delivering our milk over the garden fence just like this when it was still dark. We didn’t have a box with a lid so the magpies often pecked through the silver bottle tops before we got out of bed.

But my recollections go even further back – to the days when the milko used a horse and cart. I remember my mother rushing out to the street to shovel up the manure the minute the milko’s horse trotted along a few houses. She wanted to get it before the neighbours. They all coveted the manure to feed the veggies in their 1940’s Victory Gardens. In my mind, this scene happened frequently. But why would the horse oblige right in front of our house so often? Just one of memory’s little tricks I guess.

April 2018

“Those blasted kids and their balls. (shouts) Hop it. Go play somewhere else.”

“Humpf. Jacarandas. All very well in November. Wait till autumn when they shed those wretched twigs.”

“I’m going to hose that bloody cat next time it comes over.”

“I’m clipping those overhanging branches and throwing them back over his fence.”

“If that possum steals another passionfruit, I’m calling the possum catcher. Hang the expense – and the law.”

“Wretched datura. Falls all the time.”

“Why put a fellow with a beard like that on the Garden Show?”

April 2018

Trust a French couturier to select this fabulous colour for complementing greenery. Just one corner of Yves St Laurent’s eclectic Jardin Majorelle in Morocco.

March 2018

Tell the grandchild to gently touch a frond. The leaflets instantly and rapidly fold up. Quite an astonishing reaction. Mimosa pudica, a South American native, can be grown indoors near a sunny window. The seismonic movement is believed to be a defence against predators.

March 2018

B. These days I reckon I spend more time visiting the pharmacist than having coffee with my best friend.

G. Our chemist bill sure attests to that.

B. I fantasize about us starting an apothecary garden.

G. Then just keep fantasizing. Those herbal concoctions and homespun cures never work.

B. Some do work. Aloe vera for a start. They say its juice is as good as any commercial salve.

G. Well, they’re wrong. I read that myth debunked by doctors just the other day.

B. Then how about we plant a tea tree? Tea tree oil is a proven antiseptic.

G. Mmmm. So you’ve volunteered to rig up a still in the kitchen to extract the oil?

B. I’m serious. This idea has potential. Maybe we could try cotton plants so we don’t have to buy cotton wool balls.

G. Next you’ll be suggesting we plant a neem.

B. What’s that?

G. A tree that grows in India. They break off the twigs and use them as disposable toothbrushes.

B. Sounds terrific. Toothbrushes are expensive.

G. So are your ideas. Get back to your veggie patch. At least that saves us the price of multi-vitamins.

March 2018

Answer to QQ5.

Ophelia.